OS Wars
Holly Raider
We had lost so many. Time was running out. Row after row of binary soldiers,
attached by locking cables to the spine of the transport drone, waiting
to be dropped over the city of Motorola. Motorola, the white shining fortress,
once a self-proclaimed superior architecture, then a discarded processor,
now revived in the bloody Processor Wars as a figurehead of purity and
futurism. How we despised those hypocrites, those holier-than-thou glitterati
dressed in white or black, never blue.
We had come from Microsoft, a gritty, hobbyist, jean-wearing group of
cities that united most of the free Earth. It was our Core, our main()
function to fight against the elitist scum of the Capitalist Macs.
We did not talk, geeks seldom did in realspace, but our im's beeped and
pinged as we texted each other about the mission. Our commander moved
through the rows and unlocked each soldier in a slow, tedious process.
It was the ritual of pre-battle. We knew it was almost time to download
to the surface and begin our assault. This time we would claim and destroy
Motorola like we had decades ago. History would loop.
The world, divided once again, was now in total war. It was only 7 years
after politicians achieved world peace that the new war started. Officially.
How did it begin? The war had been going so long the kiddies didn't know,
but the gurus remembered.
Actually, the new war can be traced back to a few decades after WWII.
It started in chatrooms and office canteens, comments about processor
architecture and graphics capabilities. In those days nerds were older
guys with ethics and responsibilities. Then the younger crowd got hold
of tech and snide propaganda campaigns began. The video campaigns passive
aggressively attacked each technology in turn. Geeks had never been active
aggressives until we built mecha, then our true nature was revealed. We
were monsters just like the Biffs we despised. You could say the Total
War started when kids could buy tiny robot kits in toy stores and evolved
when human sized androids became cheap to manufacture and easy to control.
Then the shit hit the processor fan. One fat geek named Donald Oscar Goddard,
bullied to the point of mental instability by the Biffs, went on a bot-rampage
sending his mecha into school and killing most of his class. Geeks worldwide
paused their coding and noticed. They thought he was a genius, not because
of his brutal revenge against our natural enemies, but because the attack
had been completely automated. Facial recognition, remote RFID scanning,
autonomous AI, it was a simple matter for a bot to track down anyone and
cut them into spare parts. No active involvement, no guilt, just blood
and death and solutions.
If (Target==Asshole) Kill(Target).
Ok.
After the mecha hunted and killed everyone who had insulted Donald
Goddard it walked to the front of the school and stood quiet, a monument
to revenge. By the time the cops arrived there was no evidence of what
had happened, there was only chaos. The cops didn't even notice the silent
robot statue on the grass in front of the school. The investigators arrived
hours later when it was safe and viewed the security videos, only then
did they realise what was standing in front of the school - a guiltless
murderer. The geek was never traced. Whether he had committed suicide
or changed identity was never known. He was off the grid.
And then the viruses hit, and each side claimed it's own cult was superior
in thwarting the enemies, the Macists claimed their systems were more
secure by virtue of them being Macs, the PCites claimed their diversity
and fast response to threat could outlast any attack. All the while the
Linux cult hung back, denying there was a problem while their systems
silently hung. Each side blamed the other; things escalated.
It was drop time. We shuffled to the back of the plane and disappeared
over the edge. No verbal command was issued, a simple reminder had gone
off in the head mounted display's calendar. Jumptime 20h21.
I shuffled forward with the rest of the troops, not the fit, muscular
troops of the olden days, but a collection of fat and skinny and hairy
and nerdy slacker kids who were too stupid to be pacifists. I was easily
the oldest trooper there, but I did not hold any rank. My slacker nature
prevented me from succeeding at anything, but I knew a lot. I knew that
we were up against mechs. No single human stood a chance against a mech,
but our leaders had come up with a plan.
I saw the black emptiness underneath and stepped off the side. It felt
like the transport was moving but I was standing still in mid air. My
parachute deployed automatically and began steering me to the spawn point.
I was too tired to enjoy the freedom of flight. Too scared and nervous
and sweaty. Too me.
The Macists built temples to their own superiority. Glass and concrete
monuments to their ego. The PCites built up their defences publicly, living
in basements and garages. The thousands of Linux denominations were so
confused no one knew what was the true Linux anymore, yet staunch adherents
claimed superiority, the way the old christian cultists used to get a
glazed look in their eyes when speaking of their denomination as the earth's
only salvation. You could spot a Linux fanatic by their coding style -
A linuxFanatic, a linFan, wrote code like this:
void theFunction() {
if (g==1) {
b=something;
} else {
b=somethingElse;
}
}
while PC's wrote code like this:
void TheFunction()
{
if (g == 1)
{
b=Something;
}
else
{
b = SomethingElse;
}
}
linFans used variable names with illogical camel-hump casing, like theVariable,
because they blindly believed it was better. They were fundamentalists,
believing in a doctrine called theRoot. They had forgotten the origin
of Hungarian Notation and coding blocks, how their language had become
a slacker corruption of PC doctrine. Us PC's used logical variable casing
like TheVariable, obviously. We saw the truth through the bullshit. We
programmed right on the processor while they had to settle for the slow
virtual machine shackled by endless security boundaries. We were enlightened.
We had clicked, they were still on the command line.
It was a small difference, just one uppercase letter and a moved brace,
but it caused enough hostility to start a minor mechwar in Europe. It
was a way of thinking. A religion. To a geek, control is everything.
I never knew I could hate anybody until I was forced to write linFan
code at a job. Every day became hell, listening to their endless preaching
by their zealot leader of how Linux would save the world. They didn't
even use GUI's, they thought that made them hard-core, but it just made
them irritating and slow. They saved carriage returns without knowing
it was no longer necessary, crunching up the code, making my head spin.
It was then I decided to choose sides, to become more efficient in what
I did, not how I did it. 10 Years ago almost to the day. Not all linFans
were bad, some were Gimps who tried to make the world better, more PC,
more interesting. But they were stupidly naive about open source and honesty.
You couldn't help but like someone like that, even if they were an idiot.
I had a friend who was a Gimp once, but after the war started there was
no network access across platforms and we lost contact.
The PC/Mac war had been earth's bloodiest war, separating brothers, sisters,
turning lovers against each other in a bloody massacre. It was fought
by automated mecha, controlled by geeks who had spent too much time with
machines to develop a conscience or social skills. If there is a problem,
fix it with tech. If a leader is irritating, send a mecha to blast through
his bodyguards and rip him apart at a press conference. Geeks were good
at solving problems. Geeks were fucking gods at games and destruction.
Blessed are the geeks for they have inherited the Earth. The Biffs and
Jocks humiliated into humble servitude, tending crops in remote non-tech
rebel villages, fucking each other's beautiful Jock bodies as fast as
they can to make beautiful Jock babies, trying to recover their numbers
and replenish the Earth. Occasionally a Playstation cult formed among
them, or an XBox clan, but these were quickly squashed. Any tech was connected,
and if you were connected the geeks would find you and send mecha.
Geeks were ruled by Geeklords, though no geek would admit it, and the
Geeklords seldom left their dark underground caverns without life support
and armoured transports and hordes of robot mecha.
Microsoft had 3 capitals, each run by the top bothacker. We knew our
leaders only by their nicks - Kong, Pac, and Zelda. It was rumoured there
was a top leader, but no one had seen evidence. He was named God, the
hacker of hackers, the Pwner of Pwns. Conspiracy theorists claimed he
was the leader of the world.
If you owned a mech you didn't really own it, it belonged to whoever had
enough skill to take over its control system. The leaders had done something
even better than hack into mechs, they had hacked the factories where
mechs were made, altering the production to give them full remote control
of each mech that was produced. If you had money you could lease your
own mech back from a leader. To get money you probably needed a mech to
do some job. It was the classic dilemma. If a leader needed your mech
it would simply disappear for days, and then come back so you could repair
it. If you tried to undo the remote control it died, and the only place
to get replacement parts was the mech factory. Some geeks had built their
own mechs, disconnected from any networks, but they were slow and autonomous,
much like Donald Goddard's original golem. Golems could be destroyed easily
by factory mechs, which were built by other mechs. The factory mechs were
always in rapid evolution, just when you figured out one it was replaced
by a superior model. A simple evolutionary algorithm developed in the
2010's let the mechs randomly mutate designs and pick the best solution.
It was rumoured God was a mech. A conscious robot.
I landed seamlessly and felt my chute reel back into the pack. I looked
around and it looked like all 128 of us had made it. We quickly took off
everything tech, any signature would give us away once we were inside
the box. We moved to cover under the trees. It was only then we heard
our SC's voice for the first time, a hoarse whisper after years of silence.
"Okay everyone change into your whites." We took out the Mac
robes and swapped our jumpsuits for them.
"There are 3 other squads who will support once we're in. Do not
fire unless fired upon. Keep your weapons concealed. Walk like you own
the world. Be a Machead. Don't act like a Newbie and we'll complete our
mission."
Fresh recruits were called Newbies, or Kiddies if you were a linFan or
snide Macist. Newbies always tried to create their own language, their
own identity, to proclaim their superiority early, when they knew too
little to know that their systems had already been infiltrated by hackers
who didn't have time for cute names and ego.
I, like everyone else, had been a Newbie once. I blindly put code on the
net thinking that free code was the answer to all problems. How naive
I was, giving away every good idea I ever had. I never made much money
as a coder, most geeks could code in their sleep so there was no real
money unless you could find some old guy who still believed System Analysts
did anything, or that coding was a type of engineering. You knew you had
reached the bottom if you went into web design. Let me tell you, coding
is the equivalent of digging vegetables in the fields, it's just a labour
job. I got tired of being a labourer, I wanted something more than games.
I wanted to get my hands dirty.
Ahead of us loomed the big Apple, capital building of Motorola that housed
the mech factory CPU. Self evolving tech had turned the CPU into a singular
control centre. Its weakness. Our squad commander Eric looked us over
and checked our bio grenades.
"You ready, Henry?" the boy next to me nodded and cocked his
hardened plastic gun. Eric adjusted the belts of plastic bullets hanging
around his shoulders. We all had scars on our necks where our RFIDs had
been removed.
"Remember, when you see the Core, throw the bio's onto anything metal.
Then get the fuck out of there. We'll meet back here after the shitstorm
dies down. Questions?" There were none. No one was coming back and
we knew it. Squad Commander Eric looked at me.
"Okay, Donald," he said, "you're on point. Show us the
back door."